feminine swagger

•July 3, 2008 • 6 Comments

So after posting yesterdays post I had a conversation with one of my readers who asked me [more or less] do women have swagger?

simple answer: yes

Now – the word swagger to me has masculine implicaitons…like when one looks at the definition of Swagger:

1. to walk or strut with a defiant or insolent air.

This is man…hear him roar!

Guys – listen to the words coming out of my mouth…women love to see a dude carry himself with defiance – have an aura of arrogance…they love it! They eat it up…learn it…live it…execute it…and you my friend can be the next Jay-Z that bags a Beyonce – or the next Biggie that bags a Faith Evans

Yes…we know that Biggie looked like he ran head first into a wall…but again…he pulled Faith Evans…and she had his baby…may haps his swag was on point…

back on point…

You then can’t throw the adjective feminine before swagger – as it would be reminiscent of the phrase feminine odor. Accordingly I define women with swagger with one word…now…this is an original thought…as such…when you steal (as I’m sure you will) I need to be cited accordingly (APA format would suffice):

Cadence

keyd-ns

1. rhythmic flow of a sequence of sounds or words
2. (in free verse) a rhythmic pattern that is nonmetrically structured.
3. the beat, rate, or measure of any rhythmic movement

4. Balanced, rhythmic flow, as of poetry or oratory

or…as said by Wikipedia:

Cadences give phrases a distinctive ending, which can, for example, indicate to the listener whether the piece is to be continued or concluded. An analogy can be made with punctuation, with some weaker cadences acting as commas, indicating a pause or momentary rest, while a stronger cadence will then act as the period, indicating the end of the phrase or musical sentence. Cadences are called “weak” or “strong” the more or less final the sensation they create.

Now tell me that doesn’t sound sexy!!! examine this please:

Cadences are called “weak” or “strong” the more or less final the sensation they create.

yesssssssssssssssssssss gawd!

Just like how swag can be easily seen in a mans walk…the same can be said with a womans walk. A woman with cadence strong cadence will always walk as if there is a drum line behind her…

If you want to see a woman with cadence in action – go out on a friday night – to a club – lounge – where ever people are dressed and ready for a night out- and stand outside and watch people walk by on the street.

Women with cadence usually have a slight bounce to their walk [that jiggle] – their hips say from side to side. She usually knows she’s being watched…so she’ll look to her left or to her right occasionally – to pretend that she isn’t being noticed…or will go through her purse and get her phone to talk on it. But she knows that eyes are on her…why…because she knows she is the business…and she is ok with it. This woman will do the occasional hair fix – whether its a toss of the hair from the shoulder, a head snap, or a hair pat [for the natural sistahs].

A man with swagger will notice this…and will wait for some simpleton to yell – ay! long hair, red shoes, ay shaw, c cup, jacked teeth…to see her response. You see…a woman with cadence will flat out ignore such tomfoolery, simply roll her eyes, so on – thus solidifying her status of being a woman with cadence. She usually does this without missing a beat. Now…a woman who responds to such tomfoolery will be branded as a bird, and subsequently will be treated as one.

Just so that you know – there are three classifications of birds:

* Pigeons -feminine derivative of scrub

* Ducks – ugly girls

* Chickens – classic jump off material

but I digress…

The Jiggle

The jiggle…refers to a womans ability to be self aware of herself, more specific her assets. As such, this woman usually dresses well…with out exposing her assets…as her walk will ensure that her attributes are not only advertised…but noted. This means 2 things:

1) A woman with Cadence is confident in who she is…and what she has.

2) A woman with Cadence dresses as if she is an appetizer – only revealing a small part of her self in order to stimulate ones desire to eat – because the reality of the situation…if you put it all out there for us…you are now a buffet – just another meal laid out on a table – that I and others will help themselves too [cough] jump off [cough]

In essence – as I said earlier…a woman with cadence will walk as if there is a band behind her playing let me clear my throat. This is all rooted in her confidence within herself, and what she has to offer. A woman with zero cadence walks as if the band behind her is playing the flight of the bumble bees. I promise you…cadence will turn a fat girl who is a ham hock away from a heart attack into a fine thick girl.

In summary – Confidence begets Cadence begets sexiness begets wifey – the key to all of this is what: confidence. Nothing says sexy than a woman who is confident within herself! Nikki Giovanni says it best: I’m so hip even my errors are correct <– This epitomizes feminine sexiness

A woman with true cadence has the ability to be alluring. Oh…the woman who can allure – can bag any dude. I swear 4 gawd a woman who can charm and entice with veiled [not overt] seduction can have her pick at any man!

[deep sigh]

my God!

The best way I can describe this…is the soothing piano and the enchanting saxophone in Nina Simone’s song I’ve put a spell on you – in fact…I think this song personifies a womans ability to memorize a man through her cadence. Simone’s abrasive voice is well complimented by the piano, saxophone, and melodic bass guitar in the background…this song is sexy as hell…- you people are smart…you can draw the parallels.

So what have we learned:

Confidence + allure + enchantment = Cadence

Cadence = Sexiness

**It’s interesting to note that the center of loci for a woman with cadence is her hips…where as the center of loci for a dude with swagger is his shoulders – i guess our inner barbarian says:

woman: I can birth you babies

Man: I can drag rocks

[shrugs]

no purpose

•June 23, 2008 • 9 Comments

My weekend was really a blur…nothing really stands out about it…that would make it a good story…so here are some randumb rantings from this past weekend…dont get your hopes up…

– I went back to the waffle house where I meet the toothless Greta…alas she wasn’t there…so I’m am really convinced that she has passed [pours some to Greta’s Memory]

– I realize that Waffle house may be my addiction as I went again on Sunday (with Zohan) and it was at this setting that it was shown to me that Zohan is truly a glutton:

Before

Do you know how many african kids with bugs in their eyes with popped bellies this could have fed?

After

Do we see the problem? Please pay special attention to the 5 cups in the background…

And contrary to popular belief…Zohan isn’t obese…he’s a proud glutton. But quietly…I understand his gluttony…when it comes to waffle house…I mean…their food is ji like the business…and I finally did the impossible…found a clean waffle house…

[side bar] it was at this same waffle house that while Zohan tapped into his inner fatman…that the waitress made me freshly squeezed lemon aid…I mean…she took fresh lemons and squeezed them…in order to make me lemon aid because waffle house stopped selling it…

yea…I still got it [brushes dirt of shoulder]

[new side bar] who knew that being of the darker persuasion was the business…man…growing up…I got called all sorts of names because I was black…now…my skin color is the business – all darkies unite!! [end new sidebar]

[ends side bar]

– Get Smart – was funny…but not haha funny…strongly suggest you cop the bootleg

– I had seaweed salad this weekend…and it was the business!!! Japanese food might be on point (well…its on point until they start wrapping crap in eel) eel sushi def get the crucial side eye (but salmon wrapped sushi def gets the Zohan seal of approval)!

– I’m ashamed to admit to the following:

My name is Doctor…and I really like Lil Wayne’s Lollipop

– Speaking of Lollipop…I managed to find the rock version of that song…and it ji cranks (what can I say…I’m a moco kid at heart)

[sidebar again] its a sad day when you need to bring a note to your job excusing your absence because you were attending your childs orientation to college. Its even a sadder day when I have to write this said letter. [end side bar]

– I’ve noticed that single black women in positions of authority are mean unpleasant people…and me no likey

– I really need a part time job…I dont like the idle time I have…I feel like this time could be best spent…making more money…to support many of my habits

– speaking of habits…I know the feeling Christ had when He walked on water. yesterday…June 22, 2008 – I performed the impossible…I made $400 worth of Banana Republic items only $160! That is a miracle of epic proportions [and if you must know…I didn’t steal nann one thing]

– Banana Republic = Wife catching apparel

– U send me Swinging a la mint condition is def playing right now on the ipod is def. playing on the ipod – today will end well

but this post couldn’t end with out tomfoolery:

I died at the amature sketch…

happy monday people!

wait…again!

•June 20, 2008 • 5 Comments

…and the tomfoolery persists…

Teen ‘pregnancy pact’ has 17 girls expecting

Many moms-to-be at Mass. high school are aged 16 or younger
MSNBC News Services
updated 3:41 a.m. ET, Fri., June. 20, 2008

BOSTON – An investigation has been launched into an apparent teenage “pregnancy pact” that has at least 17 high-school girls expecting babies, four times more than last year, including many aged 16 or younger.

A high school health clinic in the city of Gloucester, Mass., became suspicious after seeing a surge in girls seeking pregnancy tests. Local officials said Thursday nearly half of those who became pregnant appear to have entered into a pact to have their babies together over the year.

“Some girls seemed more upset when they weren’t pregnant than when they were,” Gloucester High School principal Joseph Sullivan told Time magazine, which broke news of the pact on its Web site.

Some of the girls reacted to the news they were pregnant with high fives and plans for baby showers, Sullivan said. One of the fathers “is a 24-year-old homeless guy,” Sullivan told the magazine. Others were boys in the school.

Statutory rape charges?
Superintendent Christopher Farmer confirmed the deal to WBZ-TV, saying the girls had “an agreement to get pregnant.”

He said the mothers-to-be are generally “girls who lack self-esteem and have a lack of love in their life.”

Carolyn Kirk, mayor of the port city 30 miles northeast of Boston, said authorities are looking at whether to pursue statutory rape charges. “We’re at the very early stages of wrestling with the complexities of this problem,” she said.

“But we also have to think about the boys. Some of these boys could have their lives changed. They could be in serious, serious trouble even if it was consensual because of their age — not from what the city could do but from what the girls’ families could do,” she told Reuters.

Under Massachusetts law, it is a crime to have sex with anyone under the age of 16.

The ‘Juno’-Jamie Lynn effect?
“At the very least these men should be held responsible for financial support, if not put in jail for statutory rape as the mayor has suggested,” Greg Verga, chairman of the Gloucester School Committee, told Reuters in a telephone interview.

Nationwide, teen pregnancies are showing signs of rising after steadily declining from 1991 to 2005. This trend was highlighted Thursday when Britney Spears’ 17-year-old sister Jamie Lynn, star of Nickelodeon’s popular TV show “Zoey 101,” gave birth to a baby girl, according to People magazine.

“The data seem to be indicating that the declines that we had seen through the 1990s are coming to a close,” said David Landry, a researcher at the Guttmacher Institute, a New York-based nonprofit group focusing on reproductive issues.

Birth rates for teenagers aged 15 to 17 rose by 3 percent in 2006, the first increase since 1991, according to preliminary data released in December by the National Center for Health Statistics.

Landry cautioned against attributing the trend to Hollywood following the recent hit movie “Juno,” in which a teenager gets pregnant and decides to have the baby, and “Knocked Up,” a comedy about a one-night stand.

“The trend emerged before those movies,” he said.

In Gloucester, the 1,200-student school administered 150 pregnancy tests to students in the past academic year. The school forbids the distribution of condoms and other contraception without parental consent — a rule that prompted the school’s doctor and nurse to resign in protest in May.

“But even if we had contraceptives, that pact shows that if they wanted to get pregnant, they will get pregnant. Whether we distribute contraceptives is irrelevant,” said Verga.

Chornicles of Chicken George

•June 20, 2008 • 2 Comments

the blog I am supposed to write…I cant…because Massa is trippin real hard…

wait…

•June 18, 2008 • 7 Comments

Woman Sues Victoria’s Secret Over Thong Injury

KTLA News

June 18, 2008, 6:06 AM PDT

CULVER CITY — A Los Angeles woman is suing lingerie-maker Victoria’s Secret, claiming she was injured by one of the company’s defective thongs.

Macrida Patterson, 52, says she was attempting to try on the thong when a decorative metallic piece flew off the garment and struck her in the eye.

Patterson says Victoria’s Secret is at fault for the injury she received last month because the product was “defective.”

Patterson’s attorney, Jason Buccat, chalked the problem up to a “design error.”

The garment in question is called the “low-rise v-string” from the Victoria’s Secret Sexy Little Thing line.

Patterson said the defective underwear caused her permanent corneal damage, and that she had to miss several days of work to get it treated.

Her attorney said the injury will affect Patterson for the rest of her life.

Victoria’s Secret requested to examine the underwear that caused the injury, but Patterson’s attorney denied the request.

Copyright © 2008, KTLA

So let me understand this…when  y’all womenz go into victoria secret…you try on your bra and panties?  So if it doesnt fit…do you throw it away…or put it back on the self?

I cant…

I’m so glad that all the underwear I purchase comes pre packaged

Chronicles of Atlanta: Dating

•June 16, 2008 • 8 Comments

It’s weird…

Living in Atlanta…I find myself…dating…myself.

I go to the movies by myself [gasp] – go to restaurants by myself [double gasp] – yo…I even take long walks by myself.  As much as I may sound like a complete loser right now…it has actually been the most liberating experience.

It’s weird <yet obvious> that doing things by myself allows me to be more reflective…as such…allows me to be more strategic about life.  All of which has been amazing!  It’s just been refreshing to sit down…and do me…take myself out…and have a good time…by myself.  In doing so…I think I now have a greater appreciation of not only myself…but those who are close to me.  Like I said…I just feel better focused and most importantly determined!

Although I sound like a complete loaner…trust…I’m not…I promise…I’m still very cool!!!

btw – def went to waffle house on sunday by myself…and the toothless Greta wasn’t there…I think she may have died…

have a moment of silence for her…

Father’s Day Recap

•June 15, 2008 • 3 Comments

Yesterday was father’s day [big up to Mr. Cool – my daddy – yea…I call dat nigga daddy….lol] any who…so my high and low of fathers day is as follows:

Low

I received the following text message:

Happy Non-Fathers day. Congrats on making it another year without having a baby’s mama. Keep it pimpin playa

I want you to know my cell phone def got the side eye off of this message…

like…isn’t father’s day the day in which we acknowledge those who actually have taken their responsibility of the male contributor to an individuals life? So why demean this day with such tomfoolery?! Like I hate it when black people insist on setting us back…happy non father’s day…scoff

Like really…if you are really that concerned about not having a baby mama…try celibacy…

and before I step off of my soap box…

I think I dont like the fact that there are father’s day cards for single moms. Like really…your work is appreciated as a mother…but dude…you such a mom…like…your not a dad…like the only way I’d consider giving a woman a fathers day card is if her child calls her dommy or maddy…but until then…dude…ur day is and will only be mothers day…stop trying to take my future day!

high

Phone rings:

Doc: Hello

ST: [mouth pop] hell low

D: hey ST…whats good?

ST: uh uhhhhhhh this is Shaquanetta…and I’m calling you today to get my child support

D: [robust laughter ensues]

ST: I don’t know why u is laughing. I need to know when yo black azz is going to give me my money to support our child [giggles]

D: [robust laughter continues]

Yes…I realize this conversation sets us back too…but…it was funny…where as that text was tasteless

…I may be a hypocrite [shrugs]