opinions
Most recently I’ve been asked to share my opinions on three topics…and I shall:
Topic #1: Dat Baby
I get a call the other day from Smokey who asked me if I heard the song Dat Baby by Lil Jon. I said no…he then instructed me at my earliest convenience to google the song…so…I googled…and found not only the song…but the video…:
Opinion
First - I can’t even offer a blank stare…this joint get the *bug eye*
Are you effing kidding me?! Like…if you paid attention the chick in the beginning says: “Look at this mouth, look at these eyes look at these ears look at this hair line“ ma’am…when does hair line indicate paternity? Secondly…was it just me…or did chick in the video look rather handsome? Although I am a staunch believer of once you close your eyes…everyone looks like Beyonce…this rule does not apply to women who look like men <shivers>
but I digress…
Honestly I’m torn…clearly this song is coon-tastic on so many levels…but at some level…you <yes you> know as good as I do…when you take your mental health days…you will sit in front of the tv…and watch Maury - as Maury provides you the best of both worlds: educational banter with coonery on the side
Lastly - you can’t beat a song that has the following lyrics:
bitch you heard maury
i ain’t buyin no car seat
an i ain’t finna take care of no freak
not me not me
Classic!
Topic #2: Bad azz kids
I’m sure you have all been forwarded the link about a 7 year old stealing his grandmothers car…to go on a joy ride because he was mad at his mother http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/us/2008/04/26/pkg.seven.stolen.car.wpbf
Opinion
“I wanted to do it because its fun. Its fun to do bad things”
LaTarian, age 7
“If I didn’t think they would take me to jail, I’d whip his behind right now”
Zakkita, age old
Take me to jail…like really! Oh, if that was my child…and he stole my car…and damaged it <keep in mind…he is an uninsured driver…so I gotta pay for that out of my pocket> I would have beat him senseless…like…I would have either: 1) Stole him in his jaw (this is urea slang for - I would have balled my hand into a fist and connected with his jaw with as much momentum I could gather) or 2) I would have kicked him in his back like I was kicking in the door waving my 4 4 a la biggie smalls - and watched his back arch…and then fall to the ground…and I would have giggled like a dying hyena…what kind of tomfoolery?!
You don’t believe me?
Story 1: One day I had the fortunate experience of watching my nieces (6 and 2)…when it came time for them to go to bed…I told niece #2 (the 2 year old) to put on her pajamas and get ready for bed - she immediately fell to the ground and started crying…I nicely whispered into her ear If you do not put on your pajamas - I will beat you…I will fight you…I will fight you like you were grown…she stopped crying at that moment…put on her pajama’s and went into her bedroom prepared to go to bed. The next day at church…some aunty asked her about her experience being baby sat by Uncle Doctor…at which she responded, “Uncle Doctor said he would be my up”. Moral of story: I don’t do bad kids - no child that bears my last name will embarrass me…
Story 2 - when Niece #1 was three years old…I took her out with me to run errands…prior to me leaving the house…I asked her, “Niece #1 - what are the rules of engagement?” Her response: no crying, no touching anything, no asking for stuff, and be a good girl- you dam skippy!
needless to say…I would have fought that kid…and dared him or the camera men to take me to jail
Topic #3: Stale
If you don’t know…Al and Star jones are getting a divorce
*crickets*
Opinion
Dooode…we all knew that Al was a gay…and that this marriage wouldn’t last…so is anyone surprised???
gay man + unattractive straight woman does not equal marital bliss
side note - Al [hated it] reminds me of someone is equally as gay [Fugitive and Mr. Bigg - think soccer team...]
Fact: A prenup was signed right before they got married…so Al [how you doin'] isn’t supposed to get anything
Fact: Al [snap for the kids three times in a Z formation] will probably try to blackmail Star in order to get money out of her a la Terri McMillian
Fact: Star is a nobody…so Al [sashay...shante] can say something as far fetched as - star needed food to become aroused, kept food under the bed, and was turned on when he cooked a 10 course meal…a) we’ll believe it.. b) but at the same time…we wont care…this is Star Jones…there is nothing about her celebrity <uses that term loosely> that makes us think she is removed from blemish
Conclusion:Star…if he blackmails u…let him…dont give in…go into that court room and yell at the top of your lungs - he signed pre-nup HE SIGNED PRE NUP a la kanye west
Doctor does not endorse! Do not beat…do not pass go…its not even worth the $200.00
Happy Wednesday people!
ROTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok first things first. *in the smallest font available* Why was I bobbing my head to that song though? I mean the beat is real catchy.
*side eye*
Moving on..
The lil boy and his hoodrat ways. Ok so.. at the end when the po po was like you know yo grandmomma gone have to pay for this and he said ok but can my momma help too.. I was WEAK. God bless the chi’ren of the world.
Shalamamla
LOL @ you’d kick him in his back. That shyt is priceless.
I only have one word for How You Doing & Gastric Bypass.
NOPE.
Stay blessed.
Why am I laffin like shyt though. Wooo lawd!
Durt -
Exactly! The beat kinda thumps…but is killed when the montage of babies is shown thru out the video
Speaking of hoodrat…this is the same child that said “yes, but i wanted to do hoodrat things with my friend”
~Laterrian Green, 7
OH! The way I would have sent his trash to live in some village in Ghana…you try to be a hoodrat in the bush - and you sir may loose your penis! You cannot be a thug sans a penis
*steps off soap box*
First of all - I am dyin laffin at how you called out my kids. ROTF! Even though you have thoroughly managed to inflict the fear of God into them, they love them some Uncle Doc! Dude you can babysit ANYTIME! Me and the Chairman gots no problems with you setting them straight!! LOL
Secondly - *blank stare* at the names Latarian and Zakkita. Granmothers used to have names like Edna and Gertrude. Now granmdas are named Zakkita! What is the world coming to??? And furthermore how do you come up with the name Latarian?????? WTF? Black folks need to quit making up names. Seriously! Resume-friendly names are the way to go!!!!! We gotta learn people!
In reference to Star and Al = the dude is wearing a purple velvet blazer. Need we say more?
Sandybaby: What is that? Velvet??? a la coming to America - Al [splenda packet] SIT DOWN
HAHAHAHAHAH!
Doc.you.bring.me.joy!!
*gone home to be with the good Lord* @ YOU CANT BE THUG SANS A PENIS!!!
But wait..wasn’t THAT NEWS STORY just in the media about cutting off African love sticks or voodoo or some crap?
Ok I’m dead for real now.. HAHAHAHAHAHAH
*2 thru*
LO-FREAKIN-L
Sir there are tears streaming down my face!!!!! Not with you Thuggin your nieces like that! Quietly i quickly scrolled down to see if your sister-in-law left a comment about that! lol But for real this little nucca would have gotten run over by the same car he stole. Like I would have straight killed him.
Big Gay Al and his entire animal sanctuary a la South Park can go somewhere and suck it! Although an activity he would enjoy it would atleast keep him out of the media.
So I laughed through this whole post.
I just want to add, that your girl Starr needs a sandwich, like really. What’s wrong with being a thick girl? Skinny ain’t for everybody (I am a WITNESS!) It’s OK to be full figured. Now she looks sickly. See how she got skinny and got brand new? Before she was glad to get her man, now she’s too good for him. Granted I know nothing about the divorce, but point is - skinny goes to the brain and crack thin went out with Whitney Houston. Oops … did I type that?
I love it… This is why your opinion matters to me… you’ll be brutally honest…
hahahahaha this is sooo funny, yet so true on like every level Im still ROFL @ “Kick him in his back…and I would have giggled like a dying hyena…” - and I sooo believe the doctor on the whole babysitting thing…LOL
LMBO
I was gonna comment and point out all the stuff that was funny…but I really can’t stop laughing. No words at all. None. By far, the funniest post to date.
P.S. Al [splenda packet]-classic!
In refernce to Dat Baby, I fell out when he said “dat baby black like Akon and them!” LOL! Awful!!!!
Not clips from the Maury show - Seriously!
DUDE hahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha
this is why I love you…
tis all…